K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
