Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
