woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
