drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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