Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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