just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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