I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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