Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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