I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
