He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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