Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
