I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize