Cold hands, warm shart.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
