I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
