College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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