ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
