nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
