if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
