You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
