I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
