if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
