I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This is the high leading the old right now
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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