You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
True strength comes from lack of pants
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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