I want to walk on stilts...naked
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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