haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
