Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
