I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
