Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
cat food counts as protein by the way
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
