True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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