nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
