Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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