When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
