I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
