New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
