I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Someone came in the potted fern
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
