I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
