I wish my penis had an off switch
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
