Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
