I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
