first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
