this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
