Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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