I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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