people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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