i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
