Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
