This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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