I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
