also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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