I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
