i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
