Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
