Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
