Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
