Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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