he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
