I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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