the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
