we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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