things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
