She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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