i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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