Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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