Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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