You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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