My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize