chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
