Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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