Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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