did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
