I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize