You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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