I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Also, beer. Big fan.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
