When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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