i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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