my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize