She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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